…this is really some of the worst music the 80′s had to offer. It really doesn’t get any cheesier than this, even if I set up a room with 2100 TV screens all playing the film clip to Nights In White Satin and locked myself in there while they looped continunously for 7 hours, I still would not have anything to compare to Scorpions – Wind Of Change in terms of pure soft rock misguidedness. Seriously. I remember hearing this piece of shit coming out of the AM radio in my mum’s car when I was about five, even then it was cheesy and made me want to be sick, which I did, but that was probably more because I was a paste eater and I’ll admit to having just then finished a big lunch. Africa from Toto can’t compete, nothing matches this. Even Phil Collins doesn’t know where to start when faced with this awesome foe, even In The Air Tonight is no match for the unrelenting cheese attack that is Winds Of Change from Scorpions.
If we can entertain the idea of either one of us going anywhere near this monstrosity of a live music production, I’d imagine seeing people waving their arms in the air, 55 year olds singing with complete heartfeltedness and total obliviousness to their actual singing ability, fucks sake people, like actual people and not robots planted in the crowd to updahype, will be shedding tears, all of this outpouringly, embarrassingly and for us, leading to utter hilarity. While we roll in the aisles and point at people in 1980′s american indian style leather jackets, you’re going to have that little trickle of snot rolling out of your nose down your top lip, the one that’s never there unless you’re having a really good time. This concert is going to be snot dropping fun. You’re going to see people for whom seeing the scorpions is a pivotal moment of life, they’re right now dreaming of this show, and you should be too, this is going to be one of the greatest concerts you’ll ever have been to, you’ll remember this for the rest of your life, it’ll be too impossibly bad to ever forget.
Make sure and get hideously drunk before you go.
